#friends

I want to share life with friends. We were created for community. I want to share this one and only life I've been given. I want to know that the people for whom I care for the most know everything about me and they love me anyways. Seriously, think about the amount of people in your life that are true to that statement. I only have a small handful. I like to call them my "3-am-don't-ask-questions-just-meet-me-with-a-shovel-friends." I stole that from my friend and former philosophy professor Jason. He posed the question in class one time during a discussion about friendship: How many friends do you have that if you called them at three in the morning and said, 'don't ask questions just come meet meet me and bring a shovel' would show up with a shovel in hand? His question was to stimulate us to think not only of those we call true friends, but also those who might call us a true friend. I have a list on both accounts.

Add in a dash of pregnancy. My desire to share life shifts pretty drastically. Here is why: my friends are now examples to my child. Game changer. I think about this a lot now. I want to have people in my life that I get to share life with, but it's not just me showing up with a shovel any more. It's me, my bride, and my baby. That's a lot of trust. Not every friendship I have can handle that, which is why I keep going back to the idea of sharing-life.

My recipe for friendship (sharing-life):

1. Vulnerable without consequence. Too often vulnerability is lost because of the fear of consequence. Vulnerability needs neutrality to work. I cannot be vulnerable if you have a stance on my experience. It is so comfortable to have the freedom to be real with true friends.

2. Love. Yes brotherly love, but also agape, sacrificial love. Like the way Jesus loves. True share-life love feels more like father than friend. Think about it... if I love you with sharing-life love then I am vested in you. I don't love you because of who you are; I love you in spite of who you are.

3. Open ears and closed mouths. Everyone is always waiting for their turn to talk. I get it. But if the friendship is dominated by the need for attention, only one person is truly sharing life. Which isn't sharing...

4. Laughter. Lots of it. All the time. The people I want to do life with must be able to laugh. 

I feel like this is a pretty simple formula. Simple but not easy. I'm always accepting applications. ;)

Dear Sweet Child of Mine,

You don't have to be friends with everyone. But you do have to be friendly. I know I have examples of friends that share life with us. You will more than likely have goofy nick names for all of them. I want these friendships to be an example for you--that you will see how important it is to find and keep good friends. If you have the qualities I mentioned above, you will never be short of a good friends; but the best friends, the ones that share life with you, they need to have these qualities too. Or else daddy will get 'em! ;)

Love,

Your Best Friend (don't tell Mom)