#imscaredof

Things I’m scared of:

Thunderstorms.

The dark.

Heights.

Thunderstorms scare me, and I pray like crazy during them. I think it has to do with a time when I was around 7 or 8. There was a tornado warning, or maybe it was a tornado watch. (Time out. Is anyone else annoyed by the use of these two categories to let the human populations know about the eminent danger of a tornado? Tornado watch--should I be able to see a tornado at this point? Is there an actual tornado on the ground? Or is it more like a sailor on the crow’s nest watching for what could be? Maybe there is a tornado and maybe not? Tornado warning--is it warning us that a tornado is on the way? Or warning us that a tornado could happen? It’s like a caution sign that you could possibly slip. “Just watch out: there could be a vortex of wind that will sweep you and your loved ones up into a whirlwind of debris--just watch out.” Is it me, or are the defining factors of these two categories seemingly interchangeable? I honestly have to Google which means which every time I hear it on the television.) Anyway, back to my story. The long and the short of it—tornado is coming, get in the basement, cry, pee your pants (literally), exit basement. Naturally, I now need a thunder buddy for thunderstorms. (Thanks Ollie!)

The dark scares me because I watched this ridiculous movie when I was like 6 that scared the bajeezes out of me. Well put that bad juju into the mind of a super creative kid. Guess what? Every imaginable monster and rapscallion was hidden, hiding, and plotting on me. And where is the perception of reality when you are 6? It’s all in your head. So to this 6 year old, that movie created a breeding ground for my imaginative thoughts turning those thoughts in my head into reality which in turn scared the sh** out of me. To this day I am scared of the dark. Although if I have a friend to fight the darkness with, I am okay. Don't tell, but when I have to stay home by myself (like if Ellen’s out of town) I will leave a couple lights on...

Heights scare me in a strange way, and I do not know where the fear comes from. But it is legit. And Ellen would not like me to share the crazy of this fear. Just know that I can watch a movie with a scene portraying heights and my insides flip around and tense up.

So there is my confession. I am an adult male (a husky, manly, adult male), and yet I still am afraid of the same things that irrationally scared me when I was a child. To that end, fear worries me in two ways:

1. My point above foreshadows that Adam will be afraid of things, they will cling to him, and there is nothing I can do about it. I can be near, but I will not fully be able to dissolve his fear. 

2. Something is going to play with his mind and burn fears into his brain that I cannot control.

But I do pray that he does something similar to what I did. Whenever I was afraid of the dark I would sing The Bare Necessities to myself (from the Jungle Book) over and over. I found comfort in that song for some reason. Maybe it distracted my overly active brain, or maybe it was much deeper than that. Baloo is taking little man-cub Mowgli under his wing and letting him in on a little secret of life. Comforting the boy that life will provide and Baloo is by his side. I want to be Adam's Baloo. I will be Adam's Baloo!

Dear Adam,

Life will provide a lot to be afraid of. Look up from that fear and realize a few things. One: you see mom and dad. We are here to protect you as best as we can. Two: look past us into our timeline and realize that we were / are just like you--and we have our very own fears. We’ve just built strength to capture those fears. Trust that you will too. Three: look way past us and into eternity. The greatest source of our strength is God. He is all, in all, with all--his love drives out fear. That is what I trust most of all.

Love,

Arguably the Bravest Dad Around